My journey home to Egypt has stirred such a profound awakening that for the first time in my life I truly have clarity about myself and my place in the world. I call it an awakening because for the previous 40 years I had been spiritually asleep; dosed into denying myself of my Self by the weight of sorrows, disappointments and disconnections, anxieties, depressions and the heartbreaks of life on the material plane. From time to time something in me would begin to stir and I would seek out a retreat, a reading, a class here or there but I never followed through with anything. I went through the first two initiations in Reiki, became a Certified Hypnotherapist, but always allowed myself to be pulled back down into the responsibilities of life.
Something had to give; somehow I had to crawl out from under the rock, put things in perspective and find a way to live a more authentic life. Or so I kept telling myself. Funny that aging makes us think more about the innocence of youth. How, I wondered, do I find my way back to my ‘original nature’ and what is that exactly?
As a child I frightened my mother with poetic expressions of my soul’s need to love and caused her to fear the devil when I shared visions of spirits and prophetic dreams. I was 8 or 9 years old when all this started and I suppose I can’t blame her. But feeling odd and out of place in the world was reinforced by a cruel and abusive step-father and a mother out of whom I had to force a hug. I only knew I was safe in the world through my religious upbringing and the gift of my native grandfather’s love. His strength of character was unquestionable and our love for each other endures still.
Christ promises wisdom to those who ask and I confess I’ve prayed to not only be granted the gift of wisdom but to be brought back to the flock should I stray into territory not in keeping with my highest good. I do believe in the teachings offered by the man we know as Christ. I know that he lives still because of the miracles with which I have been blessed.
While in the fourth grade, we studied various cloud formations, storms and rainbows. When we got to the subject of hail I was mesmerized and wanted very much to see hail for myself. For the next two weeks I prayed to God that it would hail but the timing had to be very specific. My mother was very strict and I was certain that if it hailed while I was at home, she would never let me go outside. Since I went home from school for lunch every day, it had to happen during one of two recesses. So it was, “please God, make it hail on a school day either between 10:00am to 10:10am or 2:00pm to 2:10pm”. After two weeks, there I was on the playground when it began to hail. It never occurred to me that my prayer wouldn’t be answered. In gratitude and as if to exalt God’s majesty, I raised my arms and thoroughly enjoyed the sprinkle of gentle hail on my cheeks. I was the last student to get my gleeful self back indoors.
I’ve never doubted the existence of God, Christ, Mary and all the angels. Unlike some I know I was happy with my Catholic upbringing. While my heart was lifted to immeasurable heights each time I entered a church, my entire being was alight as I braved solitary walks in the forests where we camped each summer – in nature I could see God at work.
As I read books on metaphysics I couldn’t imagine how to reconcile my religion with pagan ideas. How could I step into the world of magic, gods and goddesses when it would go against all I had been taught. Finally, there came a point when I prayed for protection (maybe too much – it’s been tough shaking the determination of guides who came to my ‘rescue’). Then I met Nicki and she opened me up to the world of spirituality.
I met Nicki Scully around 1985 at a Bear Tribe Medicine Wheel Gathering in California. My going there was the answer to another prayer; a series of magical events, undeniable, miraculous and easy to miss if I hadn’t been paying attention. Nicki was so incredibly magnetic and mysterious that I was dying to talk to her but at the same time I was intimidated beyond words. I had never before met anyone quite like her. I lingered, we noticed each other, nodded, smiled and I casually looked at the items on her table (terrified to touch all the pagan stuff) while all the time I knew there were a million questions to ask but I had no clue where to start. Nonetheless, she was someone to remember, and so I did.
After several encounters with Nicki over the following years, finally in April 2007 I signed up for Egypt. I fully embraced the magic of the land despite feeling utterly overwhelmed by the energy of the place. One does not need to be sensitive to feel it.
Our group began the journey at the Sphinx, Guardian of the Mysteries. Dutifully, we stepped off the bus, filed towards the magnificent lioness and suddenly, I was overcome to the point of tears. At first bewildered by my reaction, I found myself relaxing into the moment. As if some ancient instinct took over, I raised my hands, palms facing the Sphinx and knew in my heart it was a gesture of both honor and praise. Each day I became more and more convinced that I knew this land and that somewhere deep within my being this knowledge was ready to be birthed. I was exactly where I should be. I was ready to die and be reborn and I completely trusted Nicki and welcomed the support of the neteru with my Self.
And then we visited the Temple at Edfu, deep within which stands the Temple to Horus. Our group had spread itself around the room, the light was dim but adequate, Nicki had begun to describe the meditation we are about to share. She explained that we were to become Horus. Fear and disappointment filled my body and my heart began to quicken. The thoughts raged in my head: “I can’t do this, it’s too much, too against Christ, and how can I become Horus, one with a falcon?” I felt my shoulders drop as my eyes closed and began to fill with tears. I was filled with disappointment that I was allowing old programming to prevent me from having the freedom to own this experience.
Straining to calm down, I was suddenly startled by the sight of Horus. Seeing him with my mind’s eye, I was amazed by the clarity and realness of his appearance; his face as large as mine, feathers glossy shades of brown, his beak nearly touching my own nose, and his eyes, so large, moist, clear penetrating deep within mine. As frightening as one might think this experience would be, the compassion and love I felt pouring through his eyes into mine was overwhelming and I couldn’t hold back the tears. I struggled to keep from sobbing and was so astonished by the vision and the depth of feeling shared by this incredible bird I hardly knew what to think. While I stood there held entranced by his gaze, he furrowed his brow. As if straining to further intensify his message, tears weld up in his eyes and fell slowly down his feathers. Together we wept in silence. Without a word spoken (like my grandfather would do) Horus told me he understood everything there is to know about me. He knew my confusion, my self-doubt, my pain and he let me know that I am loved. With great humility I was filled with gratitude like none I’ve ever felt before. What a gift!!
Before he died, my grandfather took me by the shoulders and with tear filled eyes told me that he loved me, that”ours was a special love, a spiritual love”. I feel so blessed to have received this kind of love twice in my life.
I doesn’t matter whether Christ, the Redeemer is the same hero figure as Horus, the Redeemer. It doesn’t matter that the Egyptian Neteru belong to an age long since past. What does matter is that a journey to Egypt, despite history and all politics is a journey home to a place of our beginnings on this planet. It has truly opened the way for me to remember my original nature and to be reminded of the greatness of spiritual love.
I returned to Egypt in November 2007 and again in November 2008 and I have more stories to tell of the magical experiences I’ve enjoyed there. Hathor, Sekhmet, Isis, Osiris, Nekhbet Mother Mut, Maat, Khnum, gentle, devoted Khnum, Khephra, Horus and the list goes on. My altar is not religious but is now made more truly spiritual by the presence of the Egyptian Neteru.
I’m here for the beginning of a new age and there is much work to do. The Stone People are calling me to work with them and I’m looking for a place in the country with enough land around me that I can beat my drum. I hope fellow seekers, teachers, healers will visit, stay a while and share their wisdom.
